The reason most of us are STILL single: Evaluate where you spend most of your time. Who you spend it with. What you do while you’re there. If your answers include: alone, with my girlfriends, at crowded bars talking in a closed circle, or watching Netflix in between my couch cushions, then there’s your answer.
There will come a day when you’ll find yourself buried underneath so many empty ice cream cartons and so much self-pity that you’ll kick the wallowing bucket and allow yourself to realize if you want to change, if you want the boys to start knocking at your door, you have to find them, dazzle them, grab them by their sweaty thumbs and teach them how knock. You have to, as my ballroom dancing teacher once tried to teach me how to do: grab a hold of a partner and mirror their lead. Hoping to get set up with your Aunt Sally Sue’s Mah Jongg playing friend’s son or wiggle around going bonkers over admiring a straphanger reading James Joyce on the subway anticipating they will miraculously pause on chapter 10 and ask for your number, is not enough.
I don’t care if he puts his elbows on the dinner table—as long as he puts his eyes on the way your nose scrunches when you smile. And then can’t stop looking.
I don’t care if he can’t play a bit of golf with me—as long as he can play with the children you give him and revel in all the glorious and frustrating ways they are just like you.
I don’t care if he doesn’t follow his wallet—as long as he follows his heart and it always leads him back to you.
I don’t care if he is strong—as long as he gives you the space to exercise the strength that is in your heart.
I couldn’t care less how he votes—as long as he wakes up every morning and daily elects you to a place of honor in your home and a place of reverence in his heart.
I don’t care about the color of his skin—as long as he paints the canvas of your lives with brushstrokes of patience, and sacrifice, and vulnerability, and tenderness.
I don’t care if he was raised in this religion or that religion or no religion—as long as he was raised to value the sacred and to know every moment of life, and every moment of life with you, is deeply sacred.
In the end, Little One, if you stumble across a man like that and he and I have nothing else in common, we will have the most important thing in common: